CHRONICLES OF CULTURE SHOCK

Feel free to ignore this post, it's more for me and the only reason I started a blog was to center my thoughts while abroad. Moving on...

I can't live in the moment. It's just next to impossible for me to do. Going abroad is testing me hardcore to try to do this. I don't know. Without a doubt I know I am experience culture shock. I don't feel comfortable here at all yet. I do not feel like myself here at all and it's definitely been bothering me more and more. I am very sure of who I am, no doubt, but here I can't help but compare myself to the culture and customs in Florence. It has not even been a week yet and I am already unaware of myself abroad. I'm not in exactly the most safe side of Florence, I would pretty much say I'm in east bum fuck. I am far from most of my friends and I'm adjusting to being aware of my surroundings at all time. I have this deep paranoia that I'm going to get my things stolen from me and not feeling comfortable here in Florence is really getting to me.

The fact that I have not had a chance to find a running route is without a doubt a factor of why my sanity is breaking down so quickly. I run to stay sane. When I listen to music and run, I'm in my own world centering my thoughts. Not to mention the endorphins with exercise is a proven science to help. ("Happy people just don't shoot their husbands"). I need to have classes start and get a routine going cause I hate not feeling like myself. I don't know what it is about being abroad but I feel like I am constantly on the edge, I have felt so angry lately and I am not an angry person by any means. My impatience and lack of able to deal with stupidity has been seriously getting to me. I've been biting my tongue. I need a sense of stability.

The strangest thing is when people back home or other friends abroad ask me how Italy is. Honestly, I find myself not wanting to talk about it. It's [insert generic happy response here] and life goes on. I just need to talk about ANYTHING else. It's just so strange that now I don't want to ask how my other friends' countries are, I'd rather talk about other things. That being said, I love that I have friends that genuinely care enough about me to ask (so excitedly most of the time) how Italy is, but I just need to settle first because I have mixed emotions about Italy. I cannot help but wonder how my abroad experience would be and how I would feel if I could have afforded to study in my dream place, Australia. I guess I just fall victim to the always wanting what I can't have.

Maybe since I'm falling into culture shock so quickly the descent won't be as harsh and it will be better  for me in the end.