The dreaded fact that I have less than a month left abroad has happened. I have exactly 4 weeks left in Florence, and in Europe, for a long, long time (if ever again). I know so many people say they'll come back to where they studied abroad and visit all those same places again, but I'm a realist and there is a ZERO possibility of me affording to come back to Europe for a damn long time, that is unless I find my dream Australian lawyer and marry rich early on.
With that mindset I don't have time to do anything but live in the moment, cherish the past I have already garnered abroad, and look forward to what I have left in store for abroad (and yes I know that's contradictory to the purpose of "living in the moment"). I was reading one of my friend's abroad blog (another shout out to one of my 2 PM patnahs Tara) and something she mentioned that we discussed one night we were out to dinner when she visited struck me, we were in the same exact spot our current senior friends were a year ago, but these were our memories now. They had their time, it's ours now and we shape these places around us as they shape us.
I can't help but be nostalgic for the fact that 2 months ago I absolutely despised Florence. I hated Italy, I did not feel comfortable here by any means, I didn't feel like myself. I truly was not homesick, I came abroad not only to get this once in a lifetime experience but to pry myself away from Stonehill, a place that I call home, a place where I found my lifelong friends and came into my own, a place that I knew I needed to get time away from to come back and appreciate it that much more. It took the last straw of my macbook deciding to temporarily die the week Steve Jobs dies (convinced his spirit lived in my laptop) for me to have had a full breakdown. I am beyond self aware and while other's will hide their insecure and less than pleasant moments abroad underneath sparknote versions of their amazing time abroad, I can say yeah, I frigging hated being abroad in Italy for almost a month, but it made me a stronger person and I am grateful for it.
I would have never got that staying at Stonehill in my bubble of constant happiness. I think the culture shock here was just so unnerving (and after visiting other countries I know the culture shock is harsher here in Italy, don't bother debating me) and with the fact Florence wasn't my first, not even my second choice to go abroad to I never really felt extreme excitement to be in Italy, more excitement I was in Europe and able to travel, it was hard for me. My entire life I had my heart set on studying abroad in Australia, it was a dream I had to let die due to a number of reasons, but if everything happens for a reason I got to see far many more different places here in Europe and I have grown to love Florence (though not Italy as a whole, but I'm okay with that).
The main point to my train of thought right now is this thought: I haven't changed while being abroad, I have just matured greatly and become more of the person I intend to be. I have missed friends back in America, but I have seen SO many friends here in Europe, casually of course. I somewhat feel as if life back in America has been put on pause, I know that people are changing and growing back home, but I feel like it does not compare to the whirlwind of life experience I have gained abroad. I am more independent of a person and damn content with my decisions in life.
So with 4 weeks left abroad I can only imagine how much more I will grow, but one thing I do know, I do not plan on going back into any form of a complacent nature back at Stonehill.
There is so much more to life and I don't want to waste any of it putting up with any bullshit I allowed myself to deal with at Stonehill. It is weird to think that I never got the transition from underclassmen to upperclassmen at Stonehill, I will get back and have to figure my life out REAL QUICK, but who damn well gives a shit I had the time of my damn life and I still have 4 weeks left to continue it.
There's Gotta Be More To Life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUOcQnWbk_U&ob=av3n
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