Needless to say the past couple days have been my worst days abroad. Preface: I hate change, a lot. I worry about anything and everything so change and I are not friends, I de-friended change a long time ago. With my macbook deciding to become full blown bipolar, going from working perfectly to not working at all to spending an entire day of chaos trying to reach apple support on the phone (in english mind you) to working briefly again to going back to showing me nothing but a white screen, the apple logo, and the spinning wheel of death. This morning it miraculously decided to work for me again, but I'm only expecting the worse with this and having to spend mad dough to fedex it back to america to get it fixed because I can't get it done in Florence/Italy without it taking weeks. My laptop is how I stay sane sometimes, talking/skyping with friends around europe/us/africa, catch up on some tv shows (Greys Anatomy where has Lexie been the past episodes, did you get rid of her because of her HORRID bangs?) catch up on my pop culture fix via my own personal bible Entertainment Weekly. As much as not using technology and getting the most out of my abroad experience is important, I need this comfort zone to function sometimes.
Macbook Pro and I are on thin ice right now.... Praying to the God I don't believe in that it stays working for me.
(SIDENOTE: really sick of the mosquitos in Italy, thank you weather for finally getting colder now and hopefully they'll go away soon)
So this brings me to the inevitable abroad breakdown. Yeah Sugarland, It Happens. Everyone goes through their abroad experiencing differently, some people love it instantly never want to leave and never go down and some can't handle it and leave. I've think I needed this to become a stronger person abroad. I have no regrets about coming abroad, I may question where I choose to come sometimes, but I'm here and I'm not leaving until December 17th that's for damn sure. I find myself being constantly stressed about so many things that I can't let go. I don't know why, I just can't allow myself to. I'm not spontaneous, I'm not driven to do things outside my comfort zone easily, I'm not completely comfortable being in Florence... but you know what so fucking what, I'm not going to change into another person just because I am abroad, I'm just going to become a better me and being more self-aware of myself and the situations I am in has made me stronger. If I had to breakdown to allow myself to have more amazing times in Florence, so be it. Shit happens. Life is what you make it. (Feel free to make stupid hannah montana reference).
We're all dealt with shitty cards, it's what are you going to do to get past those cards that matters. When the world decides to push you to your limits can you persevere? I've gone through harder times then this, and I'll get through my current rut no doubt. I'm not afraid to admit I have had a bit of a difficult time being in Florence, being in denial about it would be worse. I am done making excuses in my life, I can't control the situations am I faced with, I can control how I react. Life goes on.
Inspired by my Salamancan abroaders Julie Mills / Lauren O'Halloran for leaving me a 15 minute long video to cheer me up last night, What do say to taking chances?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKYKNZvQ6Jc
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